Welcome, friends. Come in, pour yourself a glass of nog, and pull up a chair by the fire. It's that special time of year again. A time when I pull together the very best holiday music that truly doesn't suck, and present it to you, my loyal listeners, free of charge. All I ask in return is that you take a few minutes and read the liner notes that for some reason [Ed. note: the reason is eggnog] take me hours to write.
This year took a turn recently, and I haven't really recovered. I doubt any of us have. Still, it had a lot of wonderful things too: many visits with friends old and new; some great live music; more horror movies than you can shake a pointed stick at; a family trip to Costa Rica; an anniversary trip to Montreal with my lovely wife; and of course, that unforgivably boring Pop Tarts movie.
But enough about 2024. It's time for...
Horrifying font, isn't it? |
▶ Before we begin the festivities, if you're one those sickos who uses music streaming apps, here's this year's playlist on Spotify and Apple Music. ◀
Lizzo - Someday At Christmas
Okay, let's get this out of the way up front: yes, Lizzo has been canceled. She's had multiple lawsuits filed against her which I'm not going to cover here. For today I'm far more interested in her outstanding cover of this 1966 Stevie Wonder original holiday classic. The 1970 Jackson Five version featuring a young Michael is really good, but Lizzo’s version sets itself apart by slowing things down and showcasing the hell out of that powerhouse alto. This version keeps it simple and let’s that slinky bass move things along. Lizzo called it “A friendly reminder to spread love and kindness this holiday season,” so who knows, maybe she didn’t do it!Lindsey Stirling - Sleigh Ride
I first heard this rock violinist last year, and this track grabbed me immediately. She’s apparently really known for her live performances, where she comes across more as an Olympic-style ice skater than a classical violinist. It’s all very impressive and I couldn’t do any of it. What I can do is say that the rest of her Christmas album left me cold (pun intended), I probably won’t listen to anything else by her, and her version of my favorite holiday season song is quite fun. Faithful readers will know that I love unnecessarily overproduced holiday music, so this is right in my sweet spot. And a gratuitous key change! And a bouncy synth bass! I am a sucker for these things.Rufus Wainwright - Spotlight On Christmas
Far more than the child of famous musicians, R.W. has established himself as a chamber pop powerhouse over the last decade and a half. His songs would never feel out of place in a Wes Anderson movie, and this Christmas ditty is no exception. Channeling everyone from The Beatles to other members of The Beatles, Wainwright also rhymes “blood” with “myrrh” in this song, and that’s just impressive. I just looked him up and learned that he was born in Rhinebeck, NY. Go Mid-Hudson Valley! (He grew up in Montreal, which is also cool.) I think my homemade eggnog’s starting to kick in, so let’s move on to…- Babybird - Xmas God Of New York
This is not the British alt-rockers’ first Christmas song, but I think it’s their best. I have only the faintest idea what the sampled voice is saying throughout this song, or really what any of the lyrics are about, including the powerfully catchy chorus, and I love it. If you figure out what this song’s about, let me know. When this one gets stuck in my head, I find myself walking around singing “Shut up! Sit down! Don’t taaaaaalk” under my breath, which is eventually going to turn into an awkward situation. - The Howliday Players - Christmas Without You (It's Just Not)
This catchy little Christmas cookie comes from two Brooklyn ex-pats who used to perform comedy and ride bikes together around NYC. [Ed. note: one of them is now a renowned holiday music playlister.] This is their first musical collaboration, and I know it would just mean the world to both of them if you bought a download from their Bandcamp or Ampwall page, streamed it on Spotify or Apple Music, and added it to your holiday playlists. This is not only a jeremiad against the far-too-early Christmasification of retail outlets, it’s also the catchiest holiday breakup song since Last Christmas. If I do say so myself. - Harvey Danger - Sometimes You Have To Work On Christmas (Sometimes)
Yes, it’s that Harvey Danger. These non-grunge 90s Seattle rockers turn in a beautiful bummer of a track here, as we open on “A studio apartment in a dull part of Seattle/A strand of light suspended by a thumb tack in the drywall.” It gets even more bummed out from there, as it builds to that gorgeously compressed chorus (featuring what sounds like an actual chorus pedal on the backing vocals). A wonderful ode to the folks running the movie theater on Christmas day, truly the unsung heroes of the season. - Melania & Christian Lisi - Astro del ciel (Swing)
I have no idea who either of these artists are, nor do I remember where I found this hot jazz number, but the Italian vocal line is the peppermint schnapps in the hot cocoa of the music bed. I love when the backing vocals kick in, and I always end up bopping my head to what may be the most spirited version of Silent Night I’ve ever heard. - Irma Lounge All Stars - White Christmas (Lounge Style)
That opening piano, the little drummer boy snare beat, and we’re off to the see the snow. I know nothing about this group, but when I search for them, this is the only song that comes up, so they might be a holiday-only outfit. Regardless, this song is a fun take on the musty old classic, and I’d rather listen to something with this energy than the original any day. - The New Standards - Up on the Housetop
Oh, that screaming trumpet! Let’s keep the lounge vibe going for one more track before we move on, shall we? Yes, yes we shall. I love me some Christmas jazz, and this fits the bill nicely, with a delightful piano carrying the melody as the bassline walks all over town in the snow. The New Standards are known for their live holiday shows, which I’ve never seen since I don’t live in the Twin Cities like the band does. But if you live in the area, I’m told the live show is great! - The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)
Enough lounge, it’s time for the best kind of metal: Christmas Metal. 🎄🤘 One of my absolute favorite sounds in the world is a heavy metal guitar solo being played by two guitars in harmony, so of course I love this song, since British rockers The Darkness drop that on me right out of the gate. Featuring their trademark high-as-Santa’s-Sleigh vocals, this 2003 tune finished the year as a runner-up in the Great British Christmas Singles Chart-Off or whatever they call it. I had guessed that their use of the words “bells” and “end” right next to each other was a clever bit of naughty British humor, but I’ll admit that “ringpiece” was a new one to me. Look it up yourself, you sicko. - ALO - Let It Ride
The first track to mention Chanukah on this year’s list! It’s a miracle! (Get it?) Anyway, the chorus of this song seems to have nothing to do with the rest of it, but ‘tis the season for forgiveness, or so my upbringing of 80s sitcom holiday episodes has taught me. Apparently the band’s name stands for the Animal Liberation Orchestra, which is fantastic. AMG describes them as an “American rock group with improvisational tendencies and a laid-back California vibe.” Yeah, that scans. This song feels the way I feel after my second glass of eggnog, which must mean it’s time for glass number three! See you in a minute for… - Lil Jon featuring Kool-Aid Man - All I Really Want For Christmas
Yep, it’s the Kool-Aid man. And Lil Jon. I’m not sure if this 2018 collab was the result of Kraft’s marketing department or just some sort of artistic fever dream on the part of Lil Jon, but I’m not ashamed to say I love it. (Except of course for the ridiculous bridge where Lil Jon suggests that you should drink Kool-Aid instead of eggnog. Fuck that noise.) Loyal readers will know that I love stupid Christmas hip-hop, and Lil Jon doesn’t disappoint here. It has all the weight of a piece of tinsel, but it gets stuck in my head every time I hear it. The closing joke about this not being Lil Jon’s house makes no sense unless you’re watching the video, which adds almost nothing to the experience of listening to the song. - Laufey & dodie - Love To Keep Me Warm
“Warm” is exactly the word I’d use for the production here, especially on those lovely opening vocals. Winter Weather is one of my favorite classic holiday tunes, and I featured Peggy Lee & Benny Goodman’s version on my 2022 playlist. This duet from an Icelandic-Chinese singer and a British ukulele player changes the title, adds a few bits, and slows things down to a pace more appropriate for relaxing in front of the fireplace with a glass of Jordan’s Classic Homemade Eggnog™. That harmony on “collect the kisses that are due me” in the last verse gets me every time.
The aforementioned nog. - The Classic Brown (with the Warhawks) - Early Light
It’s another two musical acts I’ve never heard of before! This one is from one of the excellent Arbor Christmas compilations, which have introduced me to a lot of great acts and some of my favorite holiday tunes. This track is pure winter sadness shot through with a candy cane center, and they get bonus points for working in a snippet of Auld Lang Syne at the end. The lyrics have been running through my head since the election: “It’s not over/Till it’s over/It’s not broken/Till it breaks.” Here’s hoping it’s not ever yet. - Gwen Stefani - Here This Christmas
Yes, I’ve featured a lot of Gwen Stefani on ye olde playlists of yore. And yes, you’re welcome. Sure, she took an artistic nosedive ever since she hooked up with country sensation Blake Shelton, but this song rules. It’s powerfully overproduced, it has a horn section, and her delivery on the choruses is a shining star in the dark of night. It’s also the closest I came this year to putting on a song from my favorite micro-genre: Christmas songs about fucking. I’m a fan of the “I don’t need X/I just need you” style of holiday songs, and this one is a worthy addition to a very questionable canon. - Dukes Of Dixieland - Frosty The Snowman
This Nawlinsified version of Frosty is the perfect soundtrack for trimming the tree or setting out the dreidels or just dancing around your kitchen. Short and sweet, just like the experience of eating a Christmas cookie. I never really got into the story of Frosty the Snowman, but I’ve put a lot of versions of the song on past playlists (and even covered it myself (twice, kinda!)), so I guess I like it more than I realize. - D Double E - Merry Christmas
Every year, there’s always one thing I’m hoping to find under the tree: a holiday tune with a great beat from a UK grime DJ and rapper. And every year I’m disappointed, so I finally had to go out and find one myself. D Double E’s AllMusic bio says that he’s “often referred to as ‘Your favorite MC's favorite MC,’” but it doesn’t say who’s going around saying that. This song is a bit of a trifle, which is appropriate for the season, but it does see Double E proclaiming to the world that he wants an Android phone, and I respect that. Don’t expect this song go go anywhere, because you’ll be disappointed. Just sit back and enjoy the sleigh ride. - Tellison - Snow (Don't tell the truth this Christmas)
And we’ve rounded the bend into the sad part of the playlist, except for all the other sad parts. I’ve never heard of this band but the first 30 seconds had me convinced they were a thinly veiled Frightened Rabbit ripoff, and the other three minutes did nothing to dissuade me from that take. But that’s OK! This song is still beautiful, and sad, and I don’t care if it sounds like some other bands, this London quartet is turning in a lovely performance here. “Don’t tell the truth this Christmas” is just a haunting line, and “Let’s pretend I like the snow” is just so pretty and sad. Or maybe it’s the eggnog talking. - Galaxie 500 - Snowstorm
I featured this proto-Luna seminal alternative trio on my 2018 playlist, and I’m happy to feature them again. I love that wah-wah guitar solo, and Dean Wareham’s voice doesn’t wear on me as much as it sometimes does in his early work. This song really feels like snowfall, and it’s dreamy and delicious, like snow should be. - Kaskade - Auld Lang Syne (feat. Alicia Moffet)
Longtime readers will know that I usually end my playlists with a version of what was once an old Scottish folk song. Kaskade is a house DJ from Chicago, and his production here does a nice job supporting the vocals from Canadian chanteuse Alicia Moffet. Wikipedia claims that famed Scottish poet Robert Burns delivered a copy of the original song to the Scots Musical Museum in 1788 with a note reading: "The following song, an old song, of the olden times, and which has never been in print, nor even in manuscript until I took it down from an old man." I love the idea that 230 years later, this song is still going strong. May we all be so lucky.
This is my shortest playlist yet, probably because the weight of the world is weighing pretty heavily right now, and it’s getting dark at 4:30, and now that I live in the country that darkness is a really dark darkness, and I’m just tired. Nothing a few years of catching up on my sleep and eating right and moving to a country with a functioning democracy can’t fix. On that happy note, take heart, my friends, because right now we have each other, and we need each other, and if you read all this know that I’m glad you did, and I’m glad you’re alive, and as I pour another glass of eggnog, I’ll be drinking to a brighter future that we’re going to build together. When darkness falls, be the light. Happy holidays.
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